The most difficult thing that an abused person can do is to learn how to stop automatically being a victim. When a good opportunity for improving one’s situation comes along, it is nearly impossible for them to visualize themselves as succeeding in any fashion, and so, they never give themselves a chance.
And then, having been unable to see themselves positively, they may think that is the world that is hurting them, when really, it is the shadows of their own past – shadows with great substance attached to them, shadows that warp a person’s view and prevents them from seeing the world as benign, and as their own dark shadows from that abused past are not benign, so too the world they view.
When you have been hurt, it is difficult to let the world in. But if you do not let the world in, you remain unchanged and that means that your abusive past may still be with you, continuing to hurt you.
So a great challenge becomes how to give hope to the hopeless. How to retrain those thought patterns to accept success and happiness as possible results for the moments that you live.
These are difficult issues, and quick answers are all too likely unproductive. I speak from experience.
I was sexually abused as a child. It started with my mother, but over time, expanded to others – teenagers, women, men. I had multiple abusers over a several year period, and when it was discovered, I was treated by a psychiatrist in what was then a well-intentioned approach, simply to repress it and forget all about it – which my strong mind did until the age of 40, when after a decade of treatment, I finally recovered those early memories, and for the first time in my entire life, realized that I was not born a bad person, but that I was someone who had had a bad thing done to them.
This worldview change is what has separated the second half of my life from the first, and this realization is what separates the time of your life when you are an abuse victim from the time of your life when you are an abuse survivor. It is only as a survivor that you feel worthy enough to be with ‘normal’ people. And, even so, you realize that ‘normal’ is a place that you will never have a passport for.

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